Its hard to be a human being (Baby Blue Sedan–Modest Mouse)

Not much to say right now, thoughts flying through my head but no way to put them into a cohesive pattern that would make any sense to anyone but myself.  Until the time is right for me to find my voice once again, here is another song to entertain you through this long intermission.  Love ya all, Zen

Past and Present: Two Songs By Modest Mouse

As I was cleaning my cabin, preparing for the arrival of my son and his girlfriend, I listened to Modest Mouse’s Making Nothing Out of Something.  There are two songs on that disk that fit superbly into  my current introspective mood.  First is Medication, the lyrics are written out below the video if you would like to read a long.

This song reminds me of how I was for the majority of my adult life.  Broken up into one hundred different compartments in order to survive each instance of existence with no real self, no drive, little happiness.  All that was inside of me was dull boredom and blankness. Is it any wonder I needed to escape?

Next on the disk is a song that fits where I am now.  It is Working On Leaving The Living.

A year ago I made the choice to let go of 20+ years of emptiness.   Now, as I walk out my door in the morning and stand in the sun with the trees all around me, I truly feel that I have died and moved to heaven, as imperfect as this heaven is.  Each day I am working on leaving the living; the living consisting of that which is considered the social “norm”.  Each day I am working on driving my dreams.

Dark Center of the Universe–Modest Mouse

My favorite band is Modest Mouse.  It is funny because when I first heard them I didn’t like them but they grew on me as I came to appreciate the complexity of their musical and lyrical content.  When I would buy another of their CD’s, I  wouldn’t like it either, but it would grow on me as it challenged my ear and my mind forcing me to think of life, on many levels, in a different way.  Now I truly consider them as my absolute favorite band.   This particular song is on their CD, Moon and Antarctica.  You can buy it at Glacial Pace Records, which is Isaac Brock’s solution for giving an outlet for more….non commercial bands.  You can find some really awesome music there.

I have comtemplated this song over the last few weeks.  I feel it is the perfect song for coming to terms with long term relationships that ended badly.  I feel it can be sung by either party.  By contemplating the lyrics of this song; feeling them for myself and then with empathy toward the other parties in my relationships; I have been able to take responsibility for my part, release my guilt, see them in a different light thus releasing my anger toward them.  Pretty damn good for one song.  This song is what helped me move into the next phase of healing.  Thank you Modest Mouse!

I might disintegrate into the thin air if you like.
I’m not the dark center of the universe like you thought.
I might disintegrate into the thin air if you like.
I’m not the dark center of the universe like you thought.

Well it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am,
and I’m real damn sure that anyone can
equally easily fuck you over.

Well died saying something but didn’t mean it
every ones life ends but no one ever completes it.
Dry or wet ice they both melt and your equally cheated.

Well it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am,
and I’m really damn sure that anyone can
Equally easily fuck you over.

Well an endless ocean landing on an endless desert
Well its funny as hell but none laughs when they get there
If you can’t see the thin air
Than why the hell should you care.

Well it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am,
And I’m really damn sure that anyone can
Equally easily fuck you over

Well I’m sure you tell me you got nothing to say
But our voices shook hands the other day.
If you can’t see the thin air what the hell is in the way.

I might disintegrate into the thin air if you’d like.
And I’m not the dark center of the Universe like you thought.

Well it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am,
And I’m really damn sure that anyone can
Equally easily fuck you over

Well an endless ocean landing on an endless desert
Well its funny as hell but no one laughs when they get there
If you can’t see the thin air than why the hell should you care.

Well it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am,
And I’m really damn sure that anyone can
Equally easily fuck you over.

Well god saying something but he didn’t mean it
Everyone’s life ends but no one ever completes it
Dry or wet ice they both melt and your equally cheated.

Well, it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am,
And I’m really damn sure that anyone can
Equally easily fuck you over.

I’m sure you’ll tell me you got nothing to say
But our voices shook hands the other day.
If you can’t see the thin air than what the hells in your way?